Resources - Solution Oriented Strategies
The Should Solution
You should exercise but you don’t…. You should lose weight but you aren’t… You should do this task, but you haven’t…
And so it goes on…. Shoulds are orders we give ourselves. A lot of the time, we don’t want to obey those orders. If we did we would exercise, lose weight and complete the tasks we don’t want to do.
As soon as you change the words to I can choose to or choose not to you put yourself in a position of taking responsibility for choosing or not choosing to do a particular behavior. Let’s take the statements above and turn them into choices:
“I can choose to exercise or I can choose not to exercise.”
- If I choose to exercise then I will feel physically fitter
and healthier but it will take thirty minutes and I don’t
have a lot of time. I don’t feel like exercising but if I
force myself to go for a walk I know I will feel better afterwards.
- If I choose not to exercise then I can do something else I need to do, but I probably continue to feel depressed and sluggish.” If I stay home, then I can watch the program on T.V. but I won’t feel as good about myself later.”
“I can choose to lose weight or I can choose not to lose weight.”
- “I can choose the non-fat yogurt which will help
me keep off the calories or I can choose the Danish pastry with
the fat and sugar.”
- I can choose to eat because I feel lonely or, I can go for
a walk and maybe meet someone I know or telephone a friend.”
- “I am not hungry so I can choose to refuse food or, I can eat more because it tastes good and face the consequences on my weight.”
“I can choose to do this task or I can choose not to do this task”
- If I complete my homework now I will complete it before
I am too tired, but I will miss the start of my T.V. program. If
I watch the program first, I will not enjoy the program if I know
I have to do the work later when I am tired. If I don’t do
it, I will get into trouble tomorrow.”
- “I hate doing this work but if I choose to do it first, at least it will be out of the way and I won’t have to think about it again. On the other hand, if I choose to leave it, I will know I am procrasinating and that will reduce my self esteem and increase my dissatisfaction plus I will still have to do it and it is overdue.”
The Should Solution
Write down 5 shoulds you use frequently…. Now change the word should into I can choose to ……… or I can choose not to……. And add the consequences each choice involves….
NOW MAKE A DECISION ABOUT WHAT IS IN YOUR BEST INTEREST
To choose to... or, to choose not to...
[You should try this – no, no, no! You can choose to try it or not choose to try it…]