In This Issue:
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Welcome to the First Issue of Resources for Life, Love and
Relationships.
After more than twenty five years working as a
Psychologist and fifteen as a Professional Member
of the National Speakers Association, I have been
privileged to see many people turn their lives
around because they were able to gain insight
into their defensive patterns; adopt new strategies
for resolving problems and communicate more effectively
and be create more positive energy for themselves
and people they cared about.
One of my talks is on "Being the Person
You'd Really Like to Be" and "Having
the Relationships You'd Really Like
to Have." When I was twenty-one, I
believed I was really grown up. However,
when I was twenty five, I realized
how immature I had been at twenty-one.
By my thirtieth birthday, twenty five
seemed immature and so it went on.
By age forty, I knew I never wanted
to be finally grown up but wanted
to continue to grow my whole life.
Just in case you are wondering: am
I now the person I would really like
to be? No, I'm not as my daughters
will readily affirm. My life is a
work in progress...
The purpose of this monthly ezine
is to bring you a variety of articles
and resources focusing on solution
oriented approaches to problem solving;
practical ways to develop new social
and emotional skills; innovative ideas
to increase self esteem and ways you
can resolve conflicts and relate more
effectively at home and at work. There
will be regular features on the interface
of mind and body and the roles of
nutrition and exercise in maintaining
optimum mood, weight and physical
health. I will also include articles
by authors such as Dr. Elayne Savage
and Dr. Linda Myers as well as reader
feedback and a problem page.
Remember, your life, health and relationships
rarely stay the same: they are improving
or deteriorating. To maintain improvement
sometimes all that is needed, is more
inspiration, information or motivation.
My wish is that in each issue, you
will find information and ideas that
will help you "Be the Person You'd
Really Like to Be" and "Have the Relationships
You'd Really Like to Have." If you
don't find what you need, please let
me know. Your input is appreciated.
I wish you an peaceful, safe and satisfying
holidays and a healthy, productive
New Year.
Sylvia Mills, Ph.D.
Holiday Stresses: Debts, Chores and Unfavorite Relatives
Debt Prevention:
1. Once a gift is wrapped no-one knows
if you bought it at a bargain store
or a high price store [especially
if you shop in the next town over].
2. Save money - buy at outlets and
bargain stores. Stuck for ideas: try
giving adults, one or more gourmet
food items they will enjoy. Example:
specialty teas, coffees, olive oils
and vinegars.
3. Use cash not credit cards when
you shop. No cash? Then quit spending!.
Give your friends/family gifts such
as: "5 hours of Weekend Childcare"
"A Shoulder Massage" "Eight hours
of Garage Cleaning," "Three half days
of gardening," "Every pair of shoes
polished," "Spagetti dinner for four."
Be creative rather than create debt.
4. Call your Credit Card's Customer
Service and ask to speak to a supervisor.
You will be asked why you need to
do this and you say, "Because I want
a lower interest rate." Surprise,
if you are not maxxed out, they will
usually give you a lower rate.
Delegate Chores
5. Don't ask your family to help YOU!
Ask: "Which of the jobs on the list
can you do to keep our home clean?"
Teach equality not servitude.
6. For two career marriages: establish
a routine based on every family member
contributing an equal amount of time
and work together as a team say from
ten to twelve on Saturdays or six
till eight on Monday evenings. Young
children, partners, even teenagers,
will enjoy appreciation, recognition
and attention for their contributions
but remind them: you enjoy recognition
and acknowledgment too. Teach appreciation
not self centeredness.
Unfavorite Relatives
7. Unfavorite relatives are not going
to be any different this year than
they were last year: so, get used
to it and quit grousing about it.
No one, not even your worst relative
is all bad. Your task is to start
looking for their positive qualities
and avoid focusing on their negative
aspects. Smile and act as if they
are okay and sometimes you will find
that you succeed in transforming them
into pleasanter people.
8. Remember the things we dislike
most in other people are probably
our own worst faults. These sensitivities
are based on a defense called projection.
Example: if Joe criticizes Jane for
being hostile and aggressive, chances
are these are Joe's own worst faults
and he is projecting them onto Jane.
So whenever you feel critical of someone:
remember you may be projecting your
own worst faults. Now, that's a humbling
thought!
The Acknowledgement of Loss
We recognize significant holidays
such as Christmas, New Year, Valentines
Day, July 4th and Thanksgiving because
the dates are the same every year.
Significant events that happened close
to these dates are easily recalled
as these dates get closer. My maternal
grandmother's birthday was the last
day of the old year and she died ten
days before Christmas. Christmas and
New Year are therefore forever associated
with memories of her life and death.
Places also function as markers. Most
Americans remember where they were
when Kennedy was shot or the World
Trade Center was attacked. I was at
the Maui Writers Conference when I
heard Princess Diane had died.
If you are remembering a painful a
loss this holiday, here is a suggestion:
Try to acknowledge aloud:
"I/We know that [put in the persons
name] wish you would be with us if
you could. We know you loved us and
would want us to enjoy our day/Christmas
just as much as if you were here.
If you can see us now, know that we
love you and remember all the good
times we shared together."
If you wish. you can then invite each
person to share a special memory of
that person.
When you openly acknowledge the missing
person, you may shed tears and feel
sad ut you will also find comfort
in sharing your feelings rather than
holding them inside in solitary loneliness.
Grief is easier to bear when it is
shared; love is warmer, when we include
significant recollections of people
we love who can no longer with us
in person.
I choose to believe that when we remember
people we love, they see the world
through our eyes and know they are
still loved and that their soul lives
on in our hearts and shares in our
joys and love.
While you still have your life, be
sure you build good memories so that
one day, they can be recalled by the
people who love us.
Healthy Holiday Eating
As a child, in post-war England, everything was in short supply
and we never ate enough to gain a
lot of weight. Even everyday foods
were rationed or in short supply.
My Mother used to save up her food
coupons so at Christmas we could have
extra special treats like chocolates
and spicy goods; roast meats and chutneys;
appetizers and preserved fruits.
Today, we can buy all the calorie
rich, tasty foods we want to celebrate
the holidays, and we do! Then we eat
these marvellous foods and we gain
weight we neither want or need.
Here are ten tips for preventing excess
weight gain this holiday:
Eating:
#1: Each only when you are hungry
[even if candies, chocolates and other
tempting foods are in view].
#2: Do not eat in a hurry [you will
end up eating more than you need].
#3: Do not eat when you are doing
something else [like watching television
or reading].
#4: Only eat when you are sitting
at a table [don't graze just because
food is there].
#5: Only put a small amount of food
[about a teaspoonful] in your mouth
at any one time.
#6: Chew each mouthful for a long
time to enjoy its flavor: [once it
is swallowed it has gone].
#7: Exercise every day: this burns
calories and curbs the urge to eat.
Drinking:
#8: Drink a full glass of water before
you drink alcohol [reduces thirst
and hydrates you]
#9: Remember sweetened, creamy and
alcoholic beverages contain LOTS of
calories.
#10:If you are pressured to drink,
accept it then pour it out when no-one
is looking [house plants, kitchens,
bathrooms and the outdoors come in
handy]
Remember alcohol leads to weight gain.
Alcohol also increases the risk of
injuries, pregnancy, and death. Avoid
accidents, violence, and drunken driving.
The Can't Cook Corner
Turkey [or Ham] Soup
1. Cut the best meat off the carcass,
cover it and use it later.
2. Break up the remainder, bones and
all, and boil for one hour in a large
pan of water.
3. AFter one hour wait till it cools
a bit then strain the liquid into
a bowl, the solids are now garbage
to throw away.
4. Either add chopped veggies and
boil for 15 minutes or store the liquid
in the refrigerator.
5. When you want soup, heat a bowlful
in the microwave. For bean soup open
a can of beans, strain and add the
beans to the soup. You now have bean
soup. For pea soup, open a can of
beans, strain and add to the soup,
you now have pea soup. Got some left
over mashed potatoes, add to a bowl
of soup and you now have [you guessed
already...] potato soup.
:-)
Writing A Legacy
Be creative: my grandmother went to her wedding in a horse and
carriage. My father remembers the
first time he saw a plane. I remember
the miracle of black and white television
when we went to my uncle's house to
watch Princess Elizabeth be crowned
Queen of England. My daughter writes
web pages...
If only all those memories existed
as stories.
One of my Psychologist friends and
a published author in her own right
is Linda Joy Meyers. Ph.D. has an
up and coming workshop on "Becoming
Whole: Writing your Healing Story.
Her web site is www.memoriesandmemoirs.com
JANUARY: Coming in the next issue:
Saying Goodbye:
Keys on How to End a Relationship
with Dignity
Getting Blood out of a Stone:
Understanding the Consistency of Character
Free Exercise:
Ten ways to Fitness without Time Pressure
Carrots Here I come:
A Tale of Overcoming Food Addiction
The Can't Cook Corner:
Easy and Quick: An easy vegetable
dinner for good nutrition.
READERS CONTRIBUTIONS;
Each month I will include a selection
of reader's contributions. Please
try to use 35 words or less. Sending
your contribution gives Dr. Mills
the all rights to use your material
in her ezine, articles, or books.
You can choose to sign with you first
name, initials or anon.
1. Your definition of Maturity and/or
2. Your worst experience of ending
a relationship.
This Month's Featured Resources:
For all recommendations: do your own due diligence: ask questions,
make your own comparisons and use
your own judgment about. Remember:
One person's good experience can be
another person's poor one.
Charles Whyte:
Accomplished Scottish hi-techie plays
guitar and sings popular rock and
songs from the 60s, 7os and 80s. Email
him at cwhyte@sandisk.com Put Guitar
Duo on the subject line. Reasonable
rates: great references.
Eva Patel
Eva has been a skin care specialist
for a long time. When I first knew
her, she worked in the medical field.
Explore her range of skin care products
and services at www.skinrx.com.
Lori Harvey
Lori is an experienced realtor returning
to the business after running a consultancy
called "The Right Attitude." She is
especially good at eliciting your
preferences, finding the property
to suit your needs and finances and
guess what? She definitely has the
right attitude to make your buying
or selling experience a pleasant one.
Contact her at 415-925-3275
Matt: One of Topica's Ezine Wizards
Want to develop your own ezine? Topica.com
who host this ezine have the best
customer service I have had the pleasure
of enjoying. Call Matt at 415-357-6701
or email him at Mattp@get.topica.com
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