Resources for Life, Love and Relationships
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Welcome
to the March issue of resources for
your life, love and relationships.
Obesity has been in the news this month with an unbelievable 60% of people overweight. 30% of us are obese! How did this happen? Apparently the USA grows or imports 3900 calories of food every day for every man woman and child in the States. A good allowance of food for the average adult is in the region of 2,000 calories a day. The food industry is trying to get us to buy more food and looking around, their marketing efforts are succeeding which is turn stimulates the use of medical facilities. Obesity leads to worn out joints and overworked hearts and high blood pressure. If you don't die of a heart attack or stroke then maybe the medical profession can replace your knees and hips...
Avoid buying junk food and you will save enough money to afford a Hawaiin or Caribbean holiday instead as well as avoiding empty calories. How about putting some travel pictures on your refrigerator door!
If you have credit card debt be sure to checkout the two debt reduction strategies - they work - I have had lots of clients benefit from these actions.
The infamous drug for men has its own mystique but do you have a clue how it works? Read for men only.
Always saying you should do this or you should do that? Check out a more effective solution to a should dictatorship..
I hope you enjoy this months edition. If you do please send a copy to your friends. This is the fourth month of publication and my goal is to continue to provide first class ideas on how to have the life and relationships you want and be the person you'd really like to be...
Why
ANY Diet Works... For a While
Think about how we stop a thumb sucking or nail biting habit. We paint the nails or thumb with a nasty flavored liquid so that as soon as we taste it, it reminds us to stop. If you have itchy psoriasis, you wear gloves so you will notice when you start to scratch. Why do these strategies work? Because they raise our conscious awareness of our behavior. When we think about what we are doing, we can control what we are doing.
Diets raise conscious awareness about our food choices as well as when and how we eat. Diets work because they demand we choose some foods and reject others or they demand we weigh what we eat and control our portions. Being "on a diet" keeps up our level of conscious awareness.
Noticing what we eat helps us to control habitual snacking or and eating while we are preoccupied [eating in front of the television or while reading a book]. I read recently that just two mouthfuls of food at every meal more than we need, will result in obesity in five years or less. Raising awareness means we usually eat less quantity. Less quantity means fewer calories.
What is too much food? If I eat 2000 calories a day and sit around, I will gain weight. If I eat 2000 calories and do a half hour of vigorous exercise a day: I will lose weight. It is that simple. If you want to lose weight you either eat less or exercise more. The best strategy of course, is to combine the two. Easy exercise: use stairs not elevators, park in the first available space and walk, lift weights: Big Five sells 5lb weights for $5 each; do squats while you wait for the microwave to beep and so on.
Weight control is ultimately about the relationship between the number of calories we eat and the amount of energy we expend. Eating more calories than you use means you gain weight, eating less than you need means you lose weight.
So what is the best diet? Some swear by Atkins others by the Mediterranean or one of the thousands of fad diets out there. There's even an eggs and grapefruit diet... Whatever diet you choose: it's not the foods that make the difference: it is the diet demands you choose some foods and avoid other classes of food like junk foods. This usually means you eat fewer calories in total.
My recommendation: Go for fresh: avoid processed foods and eat plenty of the fruits and vegetables that have color. [Examples of vegetables with color are green beans, broccoli; yams; tomatoes; bok choy; and so on. Fruits with color are peaches, nectarines, strawberries, cherries, cantaloupe and so on.] These contain plenty of the bioflavinoids and vitamins we need for optimum health and are not stuffed with calories from sugar and fat.
Remember, there is no magic diet. Diets work because they demand controlled eating and reduce or eliminate impulse eating! It's the consciousness of what we can eat that reduces the excess calories and increased exercise that burns calories stored on our bellies and butts. Why do diets fail? Because we start to "forget" the diet's demands. We begin to make exceptions and eat familiar junk food and/or have extra helpings. As old habits of eating merge back the weight returns.
For Men Only
Well I had a column for women only, so now it's the men's turn. Many of my older male clients ask about how "it" works; "it" being the V drug but if I spell it out, email filters will get me.
Loss of firmness for older men is not a problem of desire; it is a simple plumbing problem. Think of a reservoir that has input from a stream and output via sluice gates. If those gates don't close properly, water will leak out and the reservoir will never reach maximum level. Close the sluice gates effectively and the reservoir holds the water effectively. Okay, apply this same dynamic to your circulation. The "it" drug works by ensuring the sluice gates work effectively - it's that simple. Pressure and firmness are maintained.
"Its" effects last around 12 hours, longer for the latest variation, so if the mood is right, take "it" before you begin preliminaries: that way you won't lose momentum by having to stop and wait for plumbing efficiency when everything else is a "go."
If you are younger and curious and your plumbing is still working fine by itself, be warned, if you take this, "it" may keep those sluice gates closed for twelve hours which apparently becomes uncomfortable, if not downright embarrassing.
Last but not least, weight gain cause type II diabetes which in turn can lead to impotence [another good reason to keep your weight under control]
Before you use this, check rule out other possible causes of droop with your physician so that "it" is not the last thing you take!
Commonsense
Guidelines for Internet Dating
I chatted to Jenny and her friend from England when I was up in Tahoe and promised them that I would publish some common sense guidelines about internet dating, so here they are:
Firstly, don't assume what you read is true. Don't assume the photo is a recent one or is even their own photo. Don's assume a few extra pounds means single digit overweight it could mean as much as 30lbs or more. Ask for specific weight and height and age... If someone says they just lost a lot of weight, assume this is temporary unless they have maintained this weight loss a year. Statistically most people gain back: if heavy is your thing that's okay, but if you like healthy weight, think twice before getting involved.
Check the same sex descriptions as yourself by checking profiles as if you are a member of the opposite sex. This gives you a preview of what other people write before you post your own profile. When you join, register the gender choice you are seeking.
Keep your written profile brief.
When you establish communication with someone, ask for his or her phone number and talk instead of type. Typing can be edited whereas conversation is spontaneous. Talking provides information about accent; ability to take turns speaking; speed of thinking and responding; sense of humor; energy level and mood, as well as what they actually say.
For a first meeting, try lunch or coffee after work: that way you can escape after half an hour if the person is awful.
Don't have sex until you know who this person really is. When you do have sex, make sure it the sex is safe - you could be one of ten people this person is dating. They could be infected and not know it or be infected and not care to tell you! If they say they are okay and have been tested but somehow never show you the test report assume they are lying until proved otherwise!
If you are older don't get involved with someone who has no net worth: they may want to live off yours since they have never accummulated anything of their own.
If someone tells you they are honest, be wary! I don't think I have ever met anyone really honest who has ever felt the need to explain his or her honesty status.
Okay people are open about where they work, what they do and who their friends are. If the person hides any of these, then be warned. They may never mention friends because they don't have any. If they complain a lot, or appear dissatisfied, this is diagnostic so is yelling and swearing in traffic: happy, effective people have good relationships with friends and family, resolve problems and create satisfaction.
Last but not least: if you were buying a car, you would test drive a few different models to check attributes, value and comfort. Before you "buy into" a relationship, date at least ten people so you have a comparison basis before you decide on "the one." The first date may seem terrific until you met the other nine!
Quick
and Easy Nutrition
You get home tired, you don't feel like cooking... Grab a can of soup. Pour into a large bowl and add a cupful or two of fresh or frozen vegetables such as like peas, chopped celery, green beans, or broccoli. Heat on half power for five minutes and check the temperature. When its hot it's ready. Eat an apple, orange or pear for dessert.
Got
Debt?
Financial hardship is a major source of stress.
Two Effective Strategies to Reduce Debt.
The Good News and the Bad News:
The dishwasher breaks; your car needs new brakes; the roof springs a leak; you're laid off from work: our basic needs sometimes exceed our income, which means we spend money not in our budget. The good news: credit cards can be lifesavers in these situations.
The bad news: a $3000 balance will take 39 years to pay back at an interest rate of 19.8% a year and you pay only the minimum balance each month. This means your original $3000 costs a total $13,000 including the interest! This is why credit card companies market their services so aggressively. Credit equals profit: for them. For emergencies, use your credit card but don't charge items you can live without if you carry a balance from month to month.
First Strategy: Get Interest Rates reduced!
Transfer balances from high interest cards to low interest cards if you can. If you carry a balance and your interest rate is higher than 7% call customer service and ask to speak to a supervisor. This person will ask: "Why you want to speak to a supervisor?" You say: "Because I want an interest rate reduction." If they can; they will offer you a decrease immediately rather than bother their supervisor. If they refuse, don't give up: ask to be to transferred to a supervisor. Persist. One client took only 2.5 minutes to decrease his interest, on three cards, a total of 15 points, another client called once a week for six weeks before getting a reduction.
If you have maxxed out your cards because of an emergency, tell customer service what happened. They are human. You may get a more positive response [Don't be tempted to make up a story; they hear many tales of woe and it's easy to detect ones that are not true].
If you have maxxed out your cards because you are an impulsive spender: cut up your cards. Get counseling before it gets worse.
Second Strategy: Pay down High Interest Rates First
Got more than one credit card debt? I know clients who pay their credit card bills with equal dollar amounts on each card each month. That does not make financial sense.
Write down the your balance and interest rate for each card. Pay the minimum on every bill except for the bill with the highest interest rate. Pay as much as you can afford on this bill so you pay it down. When this one is paid off, start paying down the card with the next highest interest rate.
Remember to Persist:
Once you have paid a bill down from maximum, call again for a reduction in interest even if they refused you a couple of months earlier. Also check if you can increase your credit on a lower rate card so you can then transfer debt from a higher interest rate card. If you don't understand this, go to your bank and ask the customer service person to explain it to you.
Five Easy Ways Enjoy Yourself and Save Money:
* Invite friends to your home instead of meeting in a restaurant. When they ask: "What can I bring?" say "How about an appetizer or dessert." Make a tasty, inexpensive main course like spaghetti with sauce and a salad: they bring the rest and everyone saves.
* Resist buying manufactured, packaged foods - manufacturing and packaging increase costs - plus most junk foods and candies are expensive and have little or no nutritional value. Reduce the amount you spend on cigarettes, alcohol [or recreational drugs]. You save money, calories and your brain!
* Reorganize your closets. Find and wear clothes you forgot you had. Resist buying new clothes, makeup, shoes or anything you don't really need.
* Rent videos & DVDs instead of paying $8 at the movies.
* Loan books from the library for free instead of buying paperbacks.
Three ways to generate money
* Tell your pals your new years resolution is to pay off your credit cards and you will be their girl/guy Friday for [say] $20 an hour to help them [clean out their closets, garage, garden, attic]. My pal was laid off when I moved house, I still remember her Girl Friday help: it was worth every penny.
* Have a garage sale - invite your neighbors to have one on the same day and you will attract more traffic to your street.
* Take paperbacks to the office and sell them - sell children's videos they no longer watch or toys they've outgrown. Tell everyone you are recycling. It's true. You are recycling for money.
If you have other good suggestions for making extra money, please send them to www.Sylvia@SylviaMills.com put MONEY on the subject line or fax to 415-421-3030.
The
Should Solution
When you hear yourself say, "I should..."
Change it.
Substitute, "I can choose to..." or, "I can choose not to..."
You will notice that when you change shoulds to choices, you will be out of "react" mode and into the consideration of pros and cons of your choices and decisions. You gain an improved sense of control and self awareness and your behavior will be guided by thought-through consequences rather than the knee-jerk reactions of your shoulds.
Additional
Resources:
Advocare are an organization selling good quality health products. My friend Amy Hansen gave me some to try and I found a pack of "Spark" she gave me. I drank it and then forgot about it. I spent the day on organization and achieved a lot so I sat down to read the folder I promised Amy I would read. There was the information about Spark. I have had more since with the same results which I like. If you would like to read the information click on the link below and use this log-in number: 04034584. If you want to join the organization use the contact information on my web site.
My friend Lori Harvey is back in real estate. Contact her at www.Summerhouse.com if you are looking for an efficient, pleasant and knowledgable Realtor. She has great references and an impressive track record.
| |  | | Copyright Sylvia Mills, PhD, March, 2004. All Rights reserved.
Sylvia is a Professional Member of the National Speakers Association and Psychologist. She is available for consultations, presentations and psychotherapy. Mailing address: 870 Market Street, Suite 1220, San Francisco, Ca 94102. E-mail address: Sylvia@SylviaMills.com Share the Power of Networking | | | |
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